From my brother:
My Dearest Family and Friends,
As I have heard from so many of you expressing your love and concern for Hal and our family, it is becoming a little overwhelming trying to respond to you all in a way I wish I could. Therefore I am giving you all a summary of my perception of the status of my brother Hal's illness. I trust that you will understand if I do not respond to individual emails as I simply cannot keep up with all of the correspondence from everyone. I have written below a brief synopsis of where he’s at right now. It is healing for me to put words to my experience on this journey, for Hal’s journey is, at least in part, my journey.
As most of you are aware, last November Hal was in Vancouver to receive the award for Alberta's Outstanding Family Physician. Three days before the award ceremony he had a seizure and a few days later came the grave diagnosis: a grade III Anaplastic Astrocytoma - an aggressive, inoperable tumor intersecting three lobes of his brain. The prognosis was grim. With no treatment, he would live an estimated three-four months; with aggressive radiation and chemotherapy, one-three years, and with a miracle, longer.
For the past six months I have traveled, at least to a degree, with Hal through the radiation, chemotherapy and steroid journey: nausea, diarrhea, itching rashes, headaches, seizures, and so little energy that putting his feet on the floor in the morning can be called success. And then there are the symptoms resulting from the tumor itself: aphasia, memory loss, and more severe headaches. The MRI about two months ago showed that the tumor was stable, meaning the chemo and radiation had stopped its growth. This was good news at the time and beyond what was originally expected for that point in his treatment.
In the past two weeks, however, Hal has had symptoms of weakness in the right side of his body, which are going beyond the side effects of the chemotherapy. His most recent MRI this week did not present us with good news. It showed that the tumor is again growing, which means that he is no longer responding to the chemo. His alternative now is to try a drug called Avistan, which, I understand, is still in the experimental stage in the treatment of brain tumors. It is not chemotherapy (in that it is not meant to break down tumors) but instead somehow attacks the blood vessels of the tumor, preventing it from growing. While very costly, he is going to try four treatments. Apparently 20% of brain tumor patients of his type respond positively to this approach, so we are expecting good things and will know by the end of the summer if Avistan will help him.
Hal is settling in to the reality of his situation. He is handling the whole thing with grace and courage, as he has done so the entire past seven months. In addition to his amazing wife, Dianne, Hal’s wonderful children are also giving him strength on this journey. Sarah and Nate are expecting their second child in September and Brody has been working on photo projects with Hal. Bronwyn is expecting her first child and due to give birth in November. Bronwyn and Owen have so wanted a baby for some time. Hal’s goal now is to live long enough to his see this grandchild. If he lives longer, he will gratefully accept the gift.
On behalf of our family, I thank you for your love, your patience, and your prayers during these most challenging and difficult times. This whole experience has shown how hugely unjust and unfair that a person of Hal’s character and stature would have to bear this kind of hell during the last months of his life. It is awful that a person who has given so much of their life to others is faced with such anguish in the last chapter of their own life. In the midst of my grief, one spark of solace in this experience is to witness how all that Hal has given to others is coming back to him - from the community that cherishes him. The love that has so freely flowed through him in his life and in his work as a healer in his community now surrounds him. As I observe this I am inspired. May we each know such love that returns to us from others through service to others.
As a student on this journey with Hal, one of my lessons is to embrace uncertainty as a part of life (for a longer list of some of my other learnings, see: http://conta.cc/1lWwUPj )
Uncertainty has been an essential ingredient in this whole experience. My willingness to accept this has enabled me to find a degree of peace, as I learn to be more fully present to what surrounds me now, rather than to indulge in my fears about the future. The more uncertain things seem to be, the more security I am discovering. One of Hal's challenges, over the remaining time of his life, as he embraces the reality of his impending death, will be not to let the prospect of dying get in the way of fully living the time he has left. Perhaps this is a challenge we all face.
With love,
Dave
