It's been a long time since you have heard from me. Over the past many months I've had both good days and bad days. It's a good day when I get a lot of rest. And it's a bad day when I get a lot of rest. It's good to get a lot of sleep, but I miss out on life when I get a lot of sleep. All in all, however, I've had more good days than bad.
What makes it all worthwhile is having family around me. I find that it is especially good to know that my kids are finding joy in their life. Sarah is working toward her PhD in Dance Science. Bronwyn is working at Little Warriors helping them with their publicity, education and event planning. Brody has taken on a new position in Vancouver as a buyer for Discovery Organics and is settling in there well with his partner, Jessica. I love my grand-kids. Sebastian, Forrest, and Maeve are all so close to my heart. It's always good when they visit. I wish I had more energy to be with them.
It's so good to have my sister, Kate, come from San Fransciso every 2-3 months. My brother, Dave and often my sister-in-law Val come up regularly from Cochrane. Di's sister and brother-in-law, Sue and Gene, visit a few times a year from Nelson, BC.
Val, my care-giver, keeps her dedication as I get more and more dependent. She keeps things light around here with her loving care and sense of humour. We have worked together with Val for about 18 months now and simply couldn't have gone this far without her. A second care-giver, Phil, started with us about 4 months ago. And Di, of course, continues to faithfully care for me.
I have had some lovely walks to the edge of the river valley. With the weather warming, it's been good to get outside. We have a few projects on the go. We are renting a community garden plot this year to grow our own vegetables. The plots just happen to be across the road in the hospital grounds. Very convenient!
We have started a photo essay project with our son-in-law's sister, Cherie. Cherie is a photographer and is enthused about the project, loosely thought of as "A Day in the Life of Hal."
More equipment has been installed in the house. I have a medi-lift chair which is great for listening to audiobooks, watching one of the bird feeders and napping in. We also have had the ceiling track installed for the sling chair, which I have not needed thus far.
Medical issues I am currently dealing with are early cataracts, likely due to age and dexamethazone. As well, right sided pain, like pins and needles, which massage has helped immensely. Massage has also helped edema in my hands and feet. I am very grateful to Isabelle, Val and Di for helping with this. The aphasia is getting worse. It is harder to say what I want. Many times I think I have said something correctly but I can tell by the look on Di's face that I haven't. My memory is very short. I think of something really great that I want to say. Then I can't remember it a few seconds later.
January 5, 2016, the Palliative Care Society came to visit and informed us that there is a plan to renovate the palliative care room at the hospital and dedicate it to myself. Funds have been donated from Peak Theatre Players, our local amateur theatre group, after their production of Calendar Girls in the Fall. I was the photographer for Peak Theatre for many years and walked the boards myself a few times. I have very fond memories of my time with Peak and am very grateful for this honour.
Here is the link to the article in the local newspaper:
http://www.sundreroundup.ca/article/The-footprints-of-a-great-physician-leader-Dr-Hal-Irvine-20160329
As a physician, my eyes have been opened to what it is like to be a patient, from being in noisy hospitals to suddenly feeling non productive.I feel that I would be a different physician if I got a second chance. I particularly understand better why a patient would want to die at home and I'm grateful I have this option.
I am going to close with a no-holds-barred poem.
The Dakini Speaks
by Jennifer Welwood
My friends, let’s grow up.
Let’s stop pretending we don’t know the deal here.
Or if we truly haven’t noticed, let’s wake up and notice.
Look: Everything that can be lost, will be lost.
It’s simple—how could we have missed it for so long?
Let’s grieve our losses fully, like ripe human beings,
But please, let’s not be so shocked by them.
Let’s not act so betrayed,
As though life had broken her secret promise to us.
Impermanence is life’s only promise to us,
And she keeps it with ruthless impeccability.
To a child she seems cruel, but she is only wild,
And her compassion exquisitely precise:
Brilliantly penetrating, luminous with truth,
She strips away the unreal to show us the real.
This is the true ride—let’s give ourselves to it!
Let’s stop making deals for a safe passage:
There isn’t one anyway, and the cost is too high.
We are not children anymore.
The true human adult gives everything for
what cannot be lost.
Let’s dance the wild dance of no hope!
Hal
